


The Light At the End of the Tunnel

by bexgowen, Lonerangga (bexgowen)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28187133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bexgowen/pseuds/bexgowen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/bexgowen/pseuds/Lonerangga
Summary: What was Sirius Black thinking when he told Severus Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow during their fifth year at Hogwarts?
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my exploration of Sirius' character and what the f*ck he was thinking when he played the prank on Snape. 
> 
> Sirius' POV (with later interludes from Remus' POV). 
> 
> Ever so slight implications of Wolfstar. 
> 
> Many thanks to TikTok creaters Betsy (@hermioneisblack) for her video on the prank which inspired me to write this piece and to Remy (@thesisread) for his series on Remus Lupin and Disability which informed how I approached both Sirius and Remus' actions and reactions.

_In which the Marauders make a disturbing discovery_

“Watch it!” James hissed, his voice low, as he glared at the boy next to him.

“You watch it,” Sirius retorted in a whisper, tossing his head to move his hair out of his face and repositioning his arms so that his elbow wasn’t jabbing his friend straight in the side of his head.

“We’re getting too tall to fit under here,” Peter whispered mournfully, even though his head barely reached the shoulders of the other two.

The three boys were crouched under James’ Invisibility Cloak as they moved slowly across the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Peter was right: they were getting too tall for all three of them to fit comfortably: the two taller boys needed to keep their knees bent low in order to keep their feet and ankles from showing below the hem of the Cloak.

Night had fallen. The three boys - James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew - should have been safely ensconced in the Gryffindor Common Room, working on the piles of homework they had been set or playing games in front of the fire. But, tonight was a full moon, and so instead they were making their way to join their friend for their monthly moonlight adventure.

The fourth member of their group was already waiting for them. Bitten by a werewolf as a small child, Remus Lupin transformed into a wolf at the rising of every full moon. To keep him - and the rest of the school - safe, Remus was hidden away, transforming in secret in a ramshackle shack that had been built for his use. The shack was connected to Hogwarts via an underground tunnel, the entrance to which was protected by a Whomping Willow - a large willow tree with branches that moved like arms, whipping and clubbing all those that dared to get too close.

And to the Whomping Willow was where the boys were headed.

“Freeze!”

The instruction was almost inaudible, it was so high pitched, but instantly James and Sirius froze mid-step as Peter, who didn’t really need to help hold up the Invisibility Cloak and could therefore keep a look out, pointed at the figure emerging from the shadows right in front of them.

All three boys stood still - not moving, not daring to breathe, even - as Madam Pomfrey walked right past them on her way back up to the castle, tugging her cloak a little tighter against the evening chill.

Only when Peter whispered “Alright, she’s gone” did James and Sirius relax, letting out a sigh.

“That was too close,” James muttered.

“Well, if someone hadn’t stopped to flirt with Evans, we would have been down here sooner,” Sirius shot back under his breath.

“I was asking about homework!’ James retorted quickly. ‘It’s not my fault that Evans finds -”

“Wait,” Peter said quietly. “What was that?”

He was looking off to the boy’s right, in the direction of the Greenhouses where the Herbology lessons were held.

James and Sirius searched the shadows. Just as Sirius was about to say, “there’s nothing there,” one of the shadows stretched and detached itself from the wall of the Greenhouse.

It moved slowly forwards then stopped, looking in the direction of the Whomping Willow for a moment. Then it turned and walked back towards the castle, the movement causing its stringy hair to swing off its pale, greasy face.

Severus Snape.

A low growl started in the back of Sirius’ throat until James shushed him. Silently Sirius, James and Peter watched as Snape quickly made his way back up to the Entrance Doors and slipped in, his dark school robes billowing behind him.

“I wonder what he was doing?” Peter asked. Exchanging glances over the smaller boy’s head, James and Sirius started moving towards the Whomping Willow again. They didn’t have time to think about it right now.

When they were just at the edge of the reach of the willow’s long, whip-like branches, there was a soft “pop” and Peter disappeared from under the Invisibility Cloak. A large rat scurried towards the Willow, ducking under the flailing branches until it reached the trunk, and climbed up to press its front paws against a large knot.

Instantly the Whomping Willow froze, its only movement the rustling of the wind through its leaves. Quickly - they’d never actually timed to see how long the Willow stayed frozen for - James and Sirius moved forwards and climbed into the large gap between roots that lead to the tunnel. James paused to take one last look around before he disappeared into the ground, pulling the Cloak in behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Marauders discuss Snape, and Sirius concocts a plan.

As the sky began to lighten, and the soft reds and gold of dawn began to peek over the hills behind the Shrieking Shack, a wolf walked out of the shadows, its head heavy and its paws dragging. A large black dog appeared beside it and nudged at its side, urging the wolf on. Tiredly, the wolf climbed the few steps to the front door and nosed the door open. Behind the wolf and the dog, a majestic stag with a rat perched on its back waited patiently, the stag dropping its head to nose at the grass beneath its hooves.

Inside the shack the dog pushed the wolf further into the room until the wolf could go no further and flopped to the floor, exhaustion and pain taking its toll. As the dog watched, the first rays of sunlight broke over the horizon and the wolf whimpered and whined, its limbs twitching as its fur receded, its paws uncurling into hands and feet, and its body straightening out until Remus was left lying on the floor, naked and shaking and gasping. 

The black dog let out a quiet bark and then - with a _pop_ \- Sirius appeared, striding across the room to grab up the blanket folded neatly in the corner of the room. As he shook it out and laid it over Remus, James and Peter entered the shack. James came over to stand next to Sirius, looking down at the now sleeping Remus as Peter carefully re-did the seals on the door of the Shack.

“He looks so peaceful when he’s sleeping, doesn’t he?” James said fondly. “So innocent. You’d never believe that he’d spent the night terrorising the rabbit population of Hogsmeade.”

Sirius chuckled and bent down to pull the blanket up further, tucking it under Remus’ chin. Unconsciously, he smoothed the hair off Remus’ forehead and then realised James was still watching and stood abruptly, coughing self-consciously. 

“We should go. Pomfrey will be here soon,” he muttered, looking around the room for James’ Invisibility Cloak. 

With one last look at the sleeping Remus, the boys made their way back down the tunnel to the school. Peter transformed and ran out of the tunnel, checking to see that the coast was clear. Hearing the two squeaks that was the signal, James threw the Invisibility Cloak over his and Sirius’ head and they climbed out from between the roots of the massive tree. As they moved away from the willow Wormtail ran under the Cloak and - _pop_ \- Peter emerged standing between the boys and they quickly and silently made their way back to the castle, passing Madam Pomfrey on her way down to check on Remus.

When they reached their dormitory, the other boys immediately threw themselves on their beds, hoping to catch a few hours sleep before their first class of the day. But Sirius lay on his back, looking up at the canopy above his bed, his mind still swirling with the problem of Snape and what to do about it.

Snape, with his pale, oily skin and long, greasy hair. Snape, with his unrivalled knowledge of curses and hexes. Snape, with his obsession with the Dark Arts and his little gang of want to be Death Eaters, looking down on anyone who wasn’t Slytherin, all obsessed with the so-called purity of magical blood. If Snape had a friendship with Lily Evans, who was Muggleborn, then he definitely wasn’t as pure of blood as he claimed. Sirius, a member of the Noble house of Black, part of the “sacred twenty-eight”, the purest of all wizarding families, knew the lessons that the pure bloods were taught from the moment they could listen: befriending Muggleborns was definitely not one of them. Not that Sirius cared a jot about all that - didn’t he beg the Sorting Hat not to put him in Slytherin? Hadn’t he done everything he could to distance himself from everything he had been raised to want, raised to believe?

Sirius had no love for Snape, hadn’t since that first moment on the train when Snape had sneered at James. There had been something about the confident, dark haired Potter boy, so happy that he was going to be a Gryffindor like his father, that was made Sirius want more than anything to be on his side: whereas the small, sallow boy by the window, swimming in his black school robes and hoping to be sorted into Slytherin reminded Sirius too much of his family, and he didn’t want anything to do with that.

And Snape hated him back. Whether it was because of the insult on the train, the nickname that Sirius has given to him - Snivellus - the betrayal of the Black family by being sorted into Gryffindor, or simply his friendship with James, Sirius wasn’t sure. He thought it was probably mostly to do with James.

If Snape hated Sirius, then he loathed James: loathed him so much it radiated off every inch of his body ever since that first encounter on the Hogwarts Express. That James seemed to be everything that Snape wasn’t - clever, charming, good looking, rich, confident in his position at Hogwarts, talented on the Quidditch field, popular with the students and the staff - didn’t help, nor did that James had decided that Snape’s childhood friend Lily Evans was the love of his life and did everything he could to attract Lily’s attention.

And so it had been for the last four years. Snape never lost an opportunity to curse or hex James and neither James nor Sirius were going to take that lying down. And yes, Sirius privately admitted, he often let his temper get the better of him and he retaliated with his wand rather than with words, but Snape knew some rather nasty curses, and Sirius was not going to let attacks against any of his friends go unpunished.

But Moony. What did Snape have against Moony? Remus was quiet and tended to keep to himself, but he was friendly, and well regarded - he was a Prefect, for Merlin’s sake! - but as far as Sirius knew, Remus had never so much as thrown a dirty look at Snape, let alone a hex or a curse.

Maybe…..maybe it was just that he was friends with James and Sirius? Maybe Snape was just so obsessed with bringing James down a peg or two, that he would do anything, use anyone, even someone as blameless as Remus?

Sirius gritted his teeth and felt a surge of protectiveness wash over him. Remus was _his_ \- his friend, his…..and Sirius would be damned if he let anyone hurt him. But what was Snape planning to do with what he knew? And how could Sirius stop him?

Worried, Sirius rolled over, and closed his eyes. Maybe an idea would come to him after he’d had some sleep.

\--

Days passed before Sirius, James and Peter could find a time to talk without Remus overhearing. Sirius stewed, his mind turning over the problem. The more he thought about it, the angrier he got.

Finally, there came a night where James didn’t have Quidditch practice, Sirius wasn’t in detention but Remus was on duty patrolling the corridors, so the three locked themselves in their dormitory to talk.

“So what are we going to do?”

Sirius was pacing the length of the dormitory, anger roiling off him as he stomped towards the window then turned, and stomped back towards the door. Peter sat on his bed, eyes wide as he watched Sirius’ progress, while James calmly pulled off his shoes and socks.

“We can’t just let him get away with this. We have to teach him a lesson, teach him he can’t go sticking that greasy nose of his where it isn’t wanted!” Sirius whirled on James. “Prongs, he saw Moony!”

James straightened up. “I know, mate. Bloody Snivellus. What in Merlin’s name was he doing out there anyway?”

Sirius huffed. “He was following Moony, wasn’t he? Must’ve seen him heading to the hospital wing, decided to tag along and see Moony was up to. You know he’s always trying to follow us, trying to get us expelled. Berk.”

Peter looked worried. “He knows something. He’s got that “cat that got the canary” look.” At the look the other two gave him, he said, “Muggle saying. Means he looks smug.”

“He thinks he knows something. The question is, what does he think he knows, and what is he going to do with it?”

“It’s only a matter of time before he tells someone,” Peter fretted, glancing quickly at Sirius.

But Sirius was thinking hard, and didn’t hear Peter.

“We could tell McGonagall?” Peter continued. “That Snape was out in the grounds, that he saw Moony and Madam Pomfrey…..”

James snorted. “And how are we going to explain that, Wormtail? Might as well confess that we were out that night too. And that we know Moony’s deep, dark secret. Oh, and that we’re Animagi, too……”

Peter flushed with embarrassment. “Oh. Right.” He fell silent. “But we should tell Moony, though, yeah? So he can be careful?”

James and Sirius exchanged a glance, and Sirius shook his head, making the decision. “No. We don’t tell Moony. Not until we work out what we’re going to do. It would just worry him. If he were any more careful he’d be locking himself away night and day. ”

“But - “ Peter started to argue.

“We keep an eye on Moony,” James said, glaring at Peter. “We have his back, we don’t let Snape near him if we can help it. Evan’s’ll help, she likes Moony.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Here we go,” he muttered.

As James launched into a spiel of the wonders of Lily Evans - one of his favourite subjects after Quidditch - Sirius tuned him out and went back to pacing.

Bloody Snape. He was going to ruin this for them, Sirius knew it. Snape knew something, and he wouldn’t stop until he got what he wanted. He would needle Remus, poke at him and sneer at him, trying every angle he could to get a reaction out of him, hold the information he thought he had over Remus’ head until Remus snapped. Or, more likely, until James or Sirius snapped on Remus’ behalf. And then Snape would have them. And then…..

Sirius had to do something. He couldn’t just let this go. He had to do this, for Moony.

Once more, Sirius laid out the pieces of the problem in his mind.

_Snivellus saw Moony out in the grounds._

_He’s trying to find out what we’re up to._

_He was looking at the Whomping Willow_

An idea suddenly occurred to Sirius. A wonderful, horrible idea: something that made him want to rub his hands with glee. An idea that would teach Snape not to stick his nose where it wasn’t wanted. Something that Snape wouldn’t soon forget.

“Leave it to me, fellas,” he said with a conspiratorial wink. Thrilled with his own brilliance, he threw himself down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

“Padfoot,” James said warningly. “What are you thinking?”

Sirius shook his head with a grin, linking his hands behind his head. “Don’t you worry about a thing, Prongs. I’ll take care of it.”

“That is what worries me,” James retorted. “Your plans tend to……..well, without Moony to reign you in……”

Sirius scoffed. “It’ll be fine,” he told James. “Go to bed.”

“Padfoot -” James tried again, eyebrows drawn behind his glasses.

“Prongs,” Sirius sassed back. “Go to bed. Moony’ll be back soon.”

With a final, worried look, James turned back to his bed and Sirius turned back to the ceiling, his mind working fast.

_It’ll be better than fine_ , he thought. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sirius takes action

The timing had to be perfect.

Sirius had to wait for the right moment. That gave him plenty of time to go over his plan, and to observe Snape.

Peter was right: Snape had the insufferable look of someone who had a secret. He hadn’t seemed to share this secret with anyone else, though: no one else in Slytherin had Snape’s smugness. But during classes and at meal times Sirius would catch Snape staring hard at Remus, and at him and James.

But if Snape wanted to say something to Remus, he was having a hard time finding the opportunity: Sirius, James and Peter were all doing their best to shield Remus from him.

The Marauders had agreed that outside Gryffindor Tower, Remus would never be alone - one of them would always be with him. It wasn’t that out of the ordinary - they all sat together in the Great Hall anyway, and in the classes they shared.

But there were times that the boys were separated from Remus. When he was on prefect duty, for instance, James reasoned Remus was reasonably safe because the prefects patrolled in pairs. But during classes, and in the corridors in between…..

Despite the arguments of the other boys against the idea, James had asked Lily Evans for help. In the end, Sirius agreed that it made sense: they needed extra eyes and ears, and Lily’s friendship with Snape meant that it wouldn’t be suspicious for her to be paying attention to him. Sirius had also shrewdly noted that because Lily and Snape were friends, Snape might just say something to Lily about what he knew about Remus, and that if James pulled his head in even a little Lily might be willing to pass on the information, so they knew exactly what they were dealing with. James had made a comment about what Sirius could do with his head, and Remus and Peter had walked into the Common Room to find the two of them locked in a vicious headlock.

Lily, also realising she couldn’t be everywhere at once, had asked a few of her friends to join in the effort to guard Remus, a job which they happily accepted as it meant an excuse to get close to the quiet boy that many had fancied from afar.

So far, it seemed to be working. If Remus noticed that his friends were sticking closer to him than usual, he didn’t say anything (although all three were getting rather sick of spending so much time in the library). And when he made a bemused comment about the sudden attention of Lily and the other Gryffindor girls, Sirius and James had teased him, going on and on about his sex appeal and his skill with the ladies until he had turned beet red and threatened them with detention just to shut them up.

James, meanwhile, had not ceased in his efforts to get Sirius to spill the beans on his plan.

“Padfoot,” he hissed one morning on their way down to breakfast. “Tell me what you’re planning!”

Sirius quickly checked to see that Remus and Peter had already made their way into the Great Hall and slowed down, forcing the flow of students to go around them.

“Don’t worry about it, Prongs. I’ve got everything under control,” he said in a low voice, keeping an eye on Remus to make sure he hadn’t noticed their absence.

“You’re really not going to let me in on it?” James asked, raising his eyebrows. “Sirius - “

Sirius knew James was being serious if he called him by his name. “James. Trust me,” he said confidently. “I know what I’m doing.”

“I don’t trust you,” James said darkly, rubbing his nose suddenly in remembered pain “not since that time you -”

Sirius grinned, knowing exactly what James was talking about. Then he shook his head, and elbowed James. “C’mon, Moony’s looking for us,” he said, walking into the Hall and exclaiming “Moony!” at the inquisitive look Remus gave him, leaving the confused and worried James behind.

James continued to question Sirius with his eyes, which Sirius pretended not to notice, instead making a point to give Remus and Peter his full attention. As he listened to Peter reading aloud the highlights from the morning’s issue of The Daily Prophet that someone had left on the table, Sirius felt bad about being hesitant to share his plan with James. The two of them rarely kept secrets from each other.

But Sirius didn’t want James to know about this one. It wasn’t that he thought it was a bad plan - it was a bloody brilliant plan, if Sirius did say so himself, and so far James and Peter hadn’t come up with anything better. But it did involve letting someone in on one of the Marauder’s secrets, and something that Sirius knew James would never go along with. And while Sirius would normally agree - he had argued long and hard against James even talking to Lily about Remus, and James didn’t tell her anything beyond “keep an eye on Moony for us, would you?” - in this case, Sirius was sure that the ends would more than justify the means. And, in the end, Sirius was confident that James would agree. It would be easier to just go ahead with his plan and soothe James’ hurt feelings afterwards than try to convince James to go along with it beforehand and risk the plan falling through altogether. 

And Sirius needed this plan to work. 

-

Finally, it was the day of the full moon. Time to put his plan into action.

“Oi, Snivellus!”

Sirius stepped out from behind the tapestry he had been hiding behind as Snape hurried down the corridor past him. This was the one time of day that Snape was alone; Sirius had one chance.

Snape spun around at the soft jeering voice, his hand plunging into his robes to grab his wand, quickly looking around to see if there was anyone else around that could either help him or hurt him.

Sirius took a step back, holding his empty hands out in front of him, showing Snape that he was unarmed and alone. Snape frowned and looked around again, waiting for the ambush, unwilling to believe that this - whatever this was - wasn’t some kind of trick.

“What do you want, Black?” Snape sneered, some of his nerve returning as he realised that Sirius really was alone.

“Just wanted to chat,” Sirius said easily, strolling closer to Snape. “Wondering if you were enjoying your midnight strolls?” Sirius asked, strolling closer to Snape. “Seen anything…..interesting?”

Snape frowned. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he tried to scoff, but there was a trace of worry in his voice.

“Trying to be like the big boys, Snivellus? Want to join us on our adventures? So pathetic, following us around, like some lost puppy….” Sirius nonchalantly leaned against the stone wall near to Snape, shaking his head in mock amusement.

“Like I’d want to join you for anything, you blood traitor,” Snape snapped, but his eyes were still fixed on Sirius.

“You wouldn’t have the guts, anyway,” Sirius continued as though Snape hadn’t spoken. “You’d never get past the Whomping Willow.”

“The - ?” Snape’s look hardened.

“Oh, didn’t you see that part? Merlin, Snivellus, your sneaking skills are as good as your personal hygiene,” Sirius sniffed, looking at the long, lank locks of hair hanging into Snape’s face.

Snape self consciously dropped his head slightly, hiding behind the curtains of hair that swung in front of his face.

“The Whomping Willow is out of bounds, Black,” Snape said stiffly. “On pains of expulsion, since Davey -”

“Davey Gudgeon was an idiot,” Sirius said dismissively. “Couldn’t have figured his way out of the Sorting Hat without McGonagall's help. Any wonder he couldn’t work out the trick to the Whomping Willow. Stupid git deserved lose his eye.”

Snape was silent, but Sirius could see that his cruel words had Snape intrigued, almost in spite of himself.

“He’d never have realised that you need to poke the trunk with a stick to make it stop,” Sirius carried on, trying as hard as he could to toss this information out offhandedly, as though he didn’t even realise he was saying it. “We worked it out straight away. Been sneaking out of the grounds though the hidden tunnel every month for years.”

Sirius made himself stop, and look at Snape as though he only just realised he was still there. “But why am I telling you this,” Sirius said, smirking at Snape. “You wouldn’t have the balls to join us tonight. I bet the Willow would flatten you within seconds. If you’re - ”

Just then, Sirius felt a small furry body brush against his ankles. Looking down, he saw Mrs Norris looking up at him and Snape, her yellow eyes narrowed. With a quick look at Snape, Sirius started back down the corridor, pretending to hurry away before Filch showed up.

But just before he turned the corner, he looked back at Snape, who was still standing where Sirius had left him, a look of intense concentration on his face.

Sirius smirked, and walked away, a spring in his step.

_Gotcha._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a prank is played.

They were on time tonight.

Once again under the Invisibility Cloak, the boys moved quickly across the grounds towards the dark shadows at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Panting slightly, Peter dropped to the ground, while James pulled the Invisibility Cloak off himself and Sirius and folded it up, tucking it into his robe pocket.

At Peter’s “here they come,” the boys melted further into the Forbidden Forest, far enough in that the shadows and darkness would hide them, but not so far in that they couldn’t see. They watched as Madam Pomfrey, wrapped in her dark overcloak and carrying a walking stick, hurrying a tired and pale looking Remus towards the Whomping Willow, the sound of her voice carrying but too soft for the boys to make out any of the words. They watched as Remus nodded, his eyes scanning the tree line. A faint smile pulled at his lips as his eyes stopped on the exact patch of the forest the boys were hiding in, and Sirius fancied he saw Remus give them a quick nod of acknowledgement before turning to reply to Madam Pomfrey.

The matron stopped at the periphery of the Whomping Willow and reached out with the walking stick, prodding the knot on its truck. The Willow stopped moving and - with an “after you” gesture - Madam Pomfrey followed Remus into the gap in the tree’s roots. As soon as her cloak disappeared into the hole the Willow began flailing again, its branches creaking as they swung back and forth. 

Moments later, the Willow froze again as Madam Pomfrey emerged from the hidden tunnel and made her way back towards the castle, her shoulders hunched against the cold. 

Peter stood, brushing dirt and leaves from his cloak, pausing to examine a stain on the hem and tutting to himself. James rolled his neck one way then another, working out the kinks as he walked back and forth. Sirius stood still, his body tense, his eyes fixed on the castle doors.

_C’mon, you tosser._

“Alright, boys, let’s do this,” James said. “Peter - “

Peter squeaked and said “look!”, causing James to stop and peer out of the darkness in the direction Peter was pointing.

Another figure was moving towards them across the grounds. In the light from the Castle windows, they could see who it was.

Snape.

But unlike last time, Snape wasn’t just skulking around in the shadows. This time he moved carefully but swiftly towards the Whomping Willow.

James whirled to stare at Sirius, who was watching Snape’s progress across the grounds intently..

“What. Did. You. Do?” James mouthed at Sirius, who shook his head, a satisfied smirk on his face. 

The Willow had re-animated just as Snape had reached the other limits of its branches - one long limb had swept past him, causing him to jump backwards out of its reach, only to be knocked onto his face by another branch hitting him from the other side.

Sirius chuckled.

Scrambling back to his feet, Snape retreated a few steps. He stood, casting a glance around the grounds, looking for something then turned his attention back to the Willow. He stood still for a moment, seeming to consider the rhythm of the Whomping Willows waving branches. Then - quick as a flash - he darted forwards and grabbed something off the ground, dancing back to his previous position just as one of the Willow’s branches swept through where Snape had just been. 

As he stood upright, the boys could see what he held in his hands: a long branch.

James’ head snapped towards Sirius, who had straightened to his full height, almost bouncing on his toes in giddy anticipation.

Again Snape stood, watching the motion of the Whomping Willow. Then he lunged forwards and - just as a thick branch started swinging down - the end of the stick touched the knot at the base of the Whomping Willow’s trunk, and the tree shuddered to a halt, the branch inches from Snape’s head.

Peter gasped, and then covered his mouth with both his hands, his eyes moving wildly between Snape - who cast one last a searching look around him before disappearing into the hole - and James, who had advanced on Sirius, his face bloodless. 

“What did you do?” James whisper-yelled at him.

“I may have dropped a hint on how to get past the Whomping Willow,” Sirius said, pleased with himself. “Didn’t think he’d actually have the balls to do it.”

“Are you mental?” James was really yelling now. 

“What?” Sirius said defensively. “He’ll get the end of the tunnel, Moony’ll scare the pants off him, and then we’ll make sure he learns never to sneak around after people!”

“Moony’ll- “ James started, disbelieving. “That means he’ll see Moony, Black! He’ll see Moony, and he’ll figure it out, if Moony doesn’t kill him first!”

Sirius scoffed, but uncertainty started to cloud his face. “Moony would never - “

“No, Moony bloody well would never, but that’s not Moony right now!” 

James gestured, and Sirius was suddenly aware of the moonlight bathing the grounds in its bright glow. A distance scream pierced the night air, fading away into a long, baying howl. 

“Merlin,” James swore and took off, running at full speed towards the Willow. “Wormtail,” he yelled, and with a soft pop Peter disappeared and a rat was scampering as fast as it could after James. 

Sirius - not knowing what to do - stood dumbly for a few seconds before launching himself after James and Wormtail. He slipped and slid in the grass before reaching the entrance to the tunnel and diving in after James, barely noticing his friend in rat-form holding his paw on the knot on the trunk and squeaking in terror. 

-

Sirius could just see James up ahead - he had illuminated his wand to better guide him as he ran, and Sirius’ could see the glow bobbing erratically as James ran. Sirius’ had to bend over so as not to bump his head on the roof of the tunnel - for once, he envied his friend’s shorter frame - but he hurried as fast as he could after him, panic adding speed to his heels. 

Nearly there…...nearly there - Merlin, was this tunnel always so long? Finally, as the tunnel began to slope upwards, Sirius caught up with James, who had frozen.

Sirius watched, horrified, as Snape moved towards a patch of moonlight at the end of the tunnel. A shadow moved as something crossed in front of the light - something big. Snape stopped, as though waiting for something - the other shoe to drop, the trap to snap shut? - and then started forwards again, slowly. 

James snapped out of it and leaped forward, yelling “Snape, no - !”

Snape turned to look over his shoulder to find the person yelling at him “Potter - “ he started to sneer, and then yelped as James reached out and grabbed Snape’s robes, pulling him backwards - 

\- just as a large furry head, muzzle flecked with spit, stuck its head into the tunnel, sniffing, tasting the air. All three boys froze as the wolf laid its ears laid back and bared its teeth, growling in confusion and frustration. With a final sniff, the wolf retreated and a spine chilling howl piercing the air as it bayed in frustration. 

James pushed Snape behind him and urged him back down the tunnel. As they passed Sirius, Snape’s eyes narrowed. James glared at him but said nothing as he followed Snape, continuing to roughly push the boy to hurry him up. 

Sirius watched James’ back disappear into the darkness for a few moments, then - with one more quick glance at the patch of light - followed. 

-

When the three emerged from the Whomping Willow Snape immediately started running towards the castle.

“Snape!” James yelled, running after him for a few steps, then stopping, obviously coming to the conclusion that it would be pointless. Instead, he stood still, watching the black figure make its way up the stone steps and in through the doors, no doubt heading straight for whichever teacher he could find, if not straight to Professor Dumbledore.

Sirius slowly moved up behind James. “Prongs,” he began.

James whirled around and had a hand around Sirius’ throat before Sirius had even registered that James had moved. “What have you DONE?” James shouted.

Sirius’ stomach sank even lower. He had never seen James this furious before. He swallowed - with great difficulty, James had a tight grip - and forced out “I didn’t think - “

“NO, YOU DIDN’T THINK, DID YOU?” James yelled, pushing his face into Sirius’. “YOU BLOODY IDIOT! NOW SNAPE KNOWS! DID YOU GET THAT? SNAPE KNOWS ABOUT MOONY. AND WHAT IF WE HADN’T STOPPED HIM, WHAT IF “

James dropped his voice and Sirius realised that the cold fury was worse than the yelling. 

“What if Moony had attacked him, huh? What if he had killed him? Do you think Moony would be able to live with himself, knowing that he hurt someone, knowing he killed someone? Merlin, Sirius….” 

Suddenly, James let go, and Sirius coughed, rubbing his throat as he stared at his friend.

“I - “ he croaked.

“I don’t want to hear it,” James told him coldly. “You can explain it to Remus.”

And then he turned and made his way towards the castle.

Wormtail glanced between James and Sirius one last them then scuttled after James. 

Slowly, slowly, Sirius followed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Remus learns of the events of the night before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting a bit introspective here, a bit more into the psychology of Sirius.

The boys were sitting in the Great Hall, subdued, slumped with exhaustion, silently eating breakfast when Remus appeared behind them, a slight frown on his face. “There you are! Is everything alright? You….you weren’t there last night. Did….did something happen?

Remus made to sit on the bench but James - with a quick glance around the Gryffindor table - shook his head. Grabbing a stack of toast from the plate in front of him, he rose to his feet and indicated that Remus should follow. With a confused look at Sirius, Remus complied, taking his own piece of toast. Hastily, Sirius gulped down his goblet of orange juice - it soured as soon as it hit his stomach - then hurried after his friends, ignoring Peter’s plaintive “wait for me!” behind him.

He found James and Remus in the courtyard, waiting. They moved to the furthest corner, and with a quick glance around James discreetly cast _Muffliato_ to keep them from being overheard.

“What happened?” Remus repeated, worried. “You weren’t there last night, and you weren’t in the dormitory when I got back this morning. Did something happen with the…..? Did you get caught….?”

James shot a nasty look at Sirius, who turned away, pretending to be fascinated by the owls flying overhead, heading to the Great Hall to deliver letters and packages to the students. 

“Prongs,” Remus said urgently. “What happened?”

Sirius heard James take a deep breath. “Moony…...Snape knows.”

Sirius closed his eyes, imagining that he could hear the blood draining from his friend’s face.

“What do you mean, ‘Snape knows’?” Remus said, slowly. 

“Sirius, you want to help me out, here”? James said sharply, but Sirius couldn’t face his friend. He dropped his head. 

“What do you mean, “Snape knows’, Prongs? Padfoot, what - ?”

Unable to bear the panic he could hear creeping into Remus’ voice, Sirius whirled around, the shame blossoming into anger. “I told Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow, didn’t I? And the slimy git followed you last night. And……”

“And what? And what, Sirius?” Remus’ face was pale, his eyes wide as he stared at Sirius.

The anger roiled and boiled but Sirius couldn’t find the words. Or, couldn’t find the right words. Instead, he threw up his hands and shook his head. James glared at him, and took over the story.

“And he got passed. And he got all the way to the end of the tunnel before we” - here, James shot a dark look at Sirius “could stop him. He saw the wolf. He’s not stupid. He put two and two together and he figured it out.”

Lupin’s eyes closed and he staggered backwards, as if James’ words had actually hit him. 

“Moony - “ James reached out, and grabbed Remus’ shoulder, steadying his friend. “It’s okay.”

Remus found his balance, and shook off James’ hand. “It’s not okay. Snape knows. Snape! He hates us. He’s been dying to find something to use against us, and now he’s got it. The Whomping Willow is forbidden, that alone would be enough to get you expelled. But this - And then…..the entire school is going to find out about me, and I - “

Remus had started to breathe fast, fear naked on his face. 

James was shaking his head. “Dumbledore swore him to secrecy. He won’t tell anyone.”

Remus scoffed at this, somewhat hysterically. 

“I know,” James agreed. “But it’s Dumbledore. Nobody can disobey him. If Dumbledore made Snape swear not to tell, he won’t. He can’t.”

“I…...I didn’t hurt him, did I?” 

Sirius winced at the fear in Remus’ voice.

Peter spoke up. “James grabbed him before you could.” Sirius’ glanced at him, and noticed that James and Remus were also staring at him. Peter quailed. “Well, that’s what you told me happened, right?”

Remus sank to the ground, as though all the revelations had exhausted him. James crouched down next to him, and Peter quickly knelt down too.

“It’s going to be alright, Moony. I swear to you, it’s going to be alright”.

After a few moments, Remus spoke again. His voice was robotic. “You’re all still here. You haven’t been expelled?”

James chuckled dryly. “They can’t get rid of us that easily. Since nobody was actually hurt, and something about “youthful indiscretions,” Dumbledore said that expelling us wasn’t necessary. Between you and me, I think he thought expelling us would cause more harm than good. We’ve all got punishments” James continued, “ - Snape included - but no, we’re not expelled.” 

Remus didn’t respond. To fill the silence, James clarified. “No Hogsmeade visits for the rest of the year, I’m banned from Quidditch for the next two matches,” here, he winced quickly - “Sirius has to spend the next three weekends helping Professor Sprout in the greenhouses, Snape is….doing something, that’s for Slughorn to decide , and all three of us have detentions for the rest of the month. Which, what else is new, really? Oh,” James grimaced “and we have to apologise to Snape.”

Remus nodded, not even really hearing James. “And I’m - “

“Dumbledore knows you had nothing to do with it,” James assured him, shooting another nasty look at Sirius, who swallowed nervously. “McGonagall too. You’re fine.” He clapped a hand on Remus’ shoulder in reassurance. 

Remus nodded again, then looked past James at Sirius. James followed his look, and then, seeming to understand, patted Remus on the shoulder and stood up. 

“C’mon, Wormtail. Let’s go see if we missed anything in the morning post.”

As James and Peter started walking back towards the castle, Peter excitedly talking about the letter he was anticipating from his mother, Sirius and Remus stared at each other.

“Why?”

Sirius ducked his head. “He saw you. Last month. Walking with Pomfrey to the Willow. We - I - I had to do something, I couldn’t just let him get away with it!” he burst out. 

“But…...why?”

Remus looked at Sirius, a mix of confusion and fear on his face, his eyes begging Sirius to explain in a way that would make it all right. In that one word, Sirius heard all the questions Remus wanted to ask him:

_Why did you have to tell him?  
Why that?  
Why did you do this to me?  
What did I ever do to you for you to do this?  
Why?_

Sirius felt all these questions hit him like dozens of tiny flaming arrows, shame burning in his chest. How could he explain that, caught up in the righteous anger of someone who had believed themselves badly wronged, wrapped up in the certainty of the brilliance of his plan for revenge, he had not stopped to think what the plan would mean for his friend? And how could he make Remus see how sick to his stomach he had felt when he realized what he had done? 

All these thoughts flew through Sirius’ head in an instant as he looked at Remus. And as his face blazed and he had the desire to fold into himself until he couldn’t be seen, the anger roiled and rose again.

Why, his anger said, _should_ he feel so bad? It had been a joke! A trick! He hadn’t actually wanted Snape to get hurt, he had just wanted to scare him. Wanted Snape to learn that there were consequences for sticking his nose into other people’s business. Especially Remus’ business. 

Remus! He had done it for Remus! Didn’t Remus realise the living hell that Snape would have made his life, if he’d been allowed to continue to sneak around, if he’d found out what they were up to, if he’d found out about Remus? He was trying to protect Remus! Remus was his - his friend, his to protect, and he would be damned if he let a greasy, snivelling tosser like Snape hurt him. 

And if Snape had gotten hurt, well, it would have served him right - he’d have learned to never mess with them, with Remus, again. And Sirius knew that whatever happened, Remus wouldn’t get in trouble: Dumbledore would be sure to protect poor, misunderstood Remus. 

Sirius suddenly noticed the expression on Remus’ face, and chills down his spine as he realised he had been pacing, and was out of breath . 

_Merlin, how much of that did I say out-loud?_

“Moony, I- “ he started, wincing as he words caught in his suddenly sore throat. Shit, how loud had he been?

Remus stared wordlessly at Sirius and then, with some effort, stood and strode back towards the Entrance Hall. 

“Moony!” Sirius yelled at his friend’s retreating back. “Bollocks,” he swore to himself, and slowly followed his friend back inside.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> INTERLUDE - REMUS

Something was going on.

Since the last full moon, James, Sirius and Peter had been hiding something. The loaded looks, the conversations that stopped when Remus walked into the room: Remus knew the signs. 

The last time they had acted this suspiciously, the three had been working to master the Animagi spell as a surprise for Remus, and so a small, hopeful voice in his head tried to rationalise that maybe they were planning another happy surprise for Remus, or at least a prank that they needed him to have plausible deniability of (there had been a few of those before too, since Remus had been made Prefect). 

But six years of secrecy and mistrust - six years of being told to hide, to never let anyone in, to run whenever the people started to look and whisper - was a lot to unlearn quickly. And while James and Peter and Sirius had done their best to try to prove to Remus that he could let his guard down, that he could trust people, another voice, a voice that sounded a lot like his father, was still there. And that voice was louder, and stronger. 

And so Remus worked very hard to pretend that everything was normal, to ignore the rising doubts, ignore the voice screaming that any minute now his world was going to come crashing down around him, and observed. 

He saw his friends whispering to each other and abruptly stop as he approached. He saw James and Sirius communicate with looks over his head. He noticed that they never left him alone when they were outside of Gryffindor Tower: someone was always with him, sitting next to him in the Great Hall, walking with him to class, even pretending to read as he studied in the library. He noticed that when they were with him, they were only ever paying half-attention; they always had one eye on what was going on around them. 

He also noticed that when James or Sirius or Peter couldn’t shadow him, Lily Evans or one of the other Gryffindor girls would make an excuse to walk with him or sit with him. He wasn’t sure what this meant - Lily and Marlene and Mary had barely said two words to him before, and now they were chatting about classes and asking about homework, being friendly and only bouncing away with a smile when one of his friends appeared. Of course, bringing up this strange new development had only led to raucous teasing about Remus’ appeal with the ladies that had left him feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable and threatening to put James and Sirius into detention if they didn’t stop. 

And he noticed Snape. For some reason, Snape was watching him like a hawk. Remus could feel his eyes drilling into his shoulder blades during breakfast one day, and when he turned to look, Snape stared back, undaunted by being noticed, a hungry look on his face. Disconcerted, Remus turned back to his breakfast, only to notice James glaring at Snape over Remus’ shoulder. 

Something was going on. Remus didn’t know what, but he knew it wasn’t good. 

*

The morning after the full moon, Remus awoke slowly, taking a moment to catalogue the aches and pains. His head hurt, his throat was sore, and there was a new scratch on his thigh that was slowly oozing blood. And he was cold: the blanket that he normally woke under was still folded up in the corner of the room.

Shivering, Remus sat up and looked around, trying to think through what had happened the night before. The others hadn’t arrived before the moon rose - he remembered pacing the small upstairs room of the Shack, anxiously waiting, worrying when the moonlight shone through the broken window and the transformation started. And while Remus couldn’t remember many of the details of the night before, he had the distinct memory of pain, and frustration, and loneliness. 

They hadn’t come. 

Remus chided himself for feeling lonely. It was ridiculous. His friends joining him during the full moon was something new, a novelty after ten years of being alone. He shouldn’t be missing them. But Remus had come to depend on his friends. Their presence didn’t make the transformation any easier, but in the company of the black dog, the stag and the rat Remus seemed to be able to keep some semblance of control: while his body changed, his mind was somewhat his own. And Sirius and James made the full moon a night of adventure that Remus had begun to look forward to, not merely a night to be dreaded and endured. 

But…..they hadn’t come. 

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Remus stood up and slowly climbed the stairs to the first level, the exertion stretching the scratch on his thigh and causing the blood to run freely. He could hear Madam Pomfry making her way towards him through the tunnel: he would need to find his clothes.

*

Madam Pomfrey tutted over him and insisted that Remus accompany her back to the hospital wing, but Remus was worried. He needed to find his friends, needed to find out what had happened. So she muttered a few incantations and waved her wand over the worst of Remus’ injuries and made Remus swear that if he so much as felt a twinge he would go straight to the hospital wing, and Remus hurried to the castle to get cleaned up and find his friends. It was still early, they would probably still be in the dormitory. 

*

They weren’t in the dormitory. Trying to quell the dread rising in his stomach, Remus headed down to the Great Hall. 

The relief at seeing them sitting at the Gryffindor dining table was short lived, however.

*

Snape knew. Snape, and Sirius …….. Merlin.

*

McGonnogall intercepted Remus as he blindly stumbled back towards the dormitory, and asked him to join her in her office. There - over strong tea and bacon sandwiches that she conjured, knowing that he was missing breakfast - she told Remus the official story of the night before: that Snape had indeed been told by Sirius how to get past the Whomping Willow and had entered the tunnel; that James had intervened; that nobody had been hurt but that all three boys would be severely punished, and that - and here McGonogall’s face softened in pity - the number of people at Hogwarts who knew Remus’ secret had expanded by one. The bread turned to ash in his mouth as McGonongall assured him that so long as Snape was a student at Hogwarts he would not be betray Remus’ secret - Remus wondered offhandedly if Snape had been spelled to stay silent in some way - and that Remus should continue to feel safe at Hogwarts. 

Remus didn’t say a word, but nodded and then excused himself. 

*

Remus always tried to attend classes the day after the full moon. It was part of acting normal: it would be suspicious if Remus was always out sick on the day after a full moon. But this morning he had a double Transfigurations with McGonagall, so Remus took advantage of her sympathy and hid himself away.

He climbed the stairs to the dormitory and, fatigue making his fingers fumble, undressed and slid into bed. Waving his wand, he drew the curtains, plunging himself into darkness. His body sank into the soft mattress and his heavy eyes closed, but despite the exhaustion his mind was racing. 

Sirius. Snape. 

His father had been right: in the end, they will never trust you, they will never truly accept you. Remus had wanted so badly for him to be wrong. That Remus could come to Hogwarts, that he could have friends, that he could share his secret. That these three boys - his friends - could know about him and still like him, still trust him, seemed to prove him right. But now it seemed that he should have listened to his father all those years ago. 

But Sirius. Why, of all the people, did it have to have been Sirius? Arrogant, annoying, brilliant Sirius, who had befriended the young Remus and taken him under his and James’ wing; who had convinced Remus to lower his guard with his charm and his cheeky grin. Who had come to him three years ago with James and Peter and confessed that they had figured out Remus’ secret, but that they wouldn’t tell, that none of them would tell. Who had worked harder than Remus had ever seen him work in any of his classes to master the complicated Animagi spell so that Remus wouldn’t have to go through the transformations alone any more. 

And who, despite all that, had used Remus to try to hurt Snape. Remus squeezed his eyes tighter closed, trying to keep the tears that sprang up from falling. His heart hurt so badly. Sirius had used him. Had wondered about what to do about Snape following them around and thought “let’s use the wolf to scare him”, as though the wolf - as though Remus - was nothing more than a…..a tool, something that Sirius could use as he saw fit, as though it didn’t matter was Remus thought, what Remus wanted. Didn’t matter that Remus was just as much a person as Sirius was.

Remus’ heart gave another lurch as more of Sirius’ words flashed through his mind’. Sirius had thought it was just a joke! Just a joke! He might not have wanted Snape to actually get hurt, but he hadn’t even considered that Remus might: not physically, an unsuspecting teenage boy would be no match for a werewolf - but that Remus would have to live with the knowledge that he had hurt someone, maybe killed someone - that he would be sent away, his life in ruin…..But no. Sirius’ need for revenge was more important in that moment than thinking about Remus. 

He didn’t care, Remus realised. Sirius didn’t care. Oh he _cared_ \- Remus had heard the part of Sirius’ rant about doing it to protect Remus because Remus was his - but, in the end, Remus - the person, his friend - wasn’t important. Only how Remus affected Sirius. 

This thought made the tears fall faster. He thought Sirius had cared about him. Sirius, with his …….. Remus slammed his mind shut. No. He couldn’t go there. Not now.

Remus had the urge to run - to go to the Headmaster’s office, to beg to be sent home, to leave before he was kicked out, before anyone could find out. He wished that he had James’ unwavering faith in Dumbledore. He wished that he could believe that Dumbledore would keep him safe, as he had promised Remus’ parents all those years ago. But could even Dumbledore keep something a secret in a place where rumour and gossip flew faster than James on his broomstick?

His mind and heart in turmoil, Remus fell into a fitful sleep. 

*

He stayed asleep all day. He was vaguely aware of noises around him from time to time: the soft sounds of the house elves cleaning around him, the hushed whispers as his friends found him and, after some argument, decided to let him be. Soon, the smell of food woke his stomach and the rumbling and complaining became unbearable, so he dragged himself up. As he opened the curtains, resigning himself to having to get dressed and go downstairs, he saw a plate of food sitting on his bedside table: all his favourites, heaped high, with a goblet of pumpkin juice sitting next to it - and a neat stack of parchment. The day’s homework.

Remus stared at the plate. He didn’t know whether to take it or not - the plate was obviously meant as an apology, and a part of Remus wanted to smash it against the wall. But then his stomach gurgled and grumbled and reminded Remus that all he had had to eat that day was a bite of a bacon sandwich at breakfast time, and so Remus ate. Eating didn’t mean accepting the apology, he reasoned. 

It was very late when his dorm mates finally came upstairs. They must have been waiting to the very last minute before coming up, giving him as much space as they could. Remus heard their footfalls on the steps and stiffened, putting down the Potions textbook he had been reading. The curtains were still open around his bed - he had the urge to jump up and rip them closed, but knew that they would hear the curtain rings and know that he was avoiding them - so he forced himself to sit still and wait.

They filed into the room, one after the other: James first, his eyes immediately taking in the room: Remus, awake; the empty plate; the pile of books on the bed, and his shoulders relaxed. The olive branch had been accepted. Then Peter, with a cautious smile at Remus. Finally, Sirius, his shoulders slumped, his head down, eyes uncertain and pleading and other things that Remus didn’t want to think about.

“Moony,” James approached the bed as Peter scurried to his bed and started fussing around, unpacking his bag and getting into pyjamas. Sirius hovered around the doorway. “Are you -?”

Remus cut him off. “I’m fine,” he said. “Thank you for the food. And the homework.”

James shook his head, and gestured towards Sirius, who was hovering in the doorway. “Of course, Moony, but it was Padfoot, he thought you - “

Remus didn’t want to hear what Sirius thought.

“And thank you,” he said seriously, meeting James’ eyes. “For stopping Severus.” _For stopping Sirius. For saving me._

James’ mouth dropped open for a second, then he snapped it shut. “Of course,” he repeated simply.

With a nod, Remus turned his attention back to his Potions homework, trying with all his might to pretend that he was fascinated by the chapter on antidotes. He could feel more than see James stand there for a moment longer, wanting to say something more, waiting for Remus to say something more, and then with a soft “G’night, Moony,” he moved away, towards his bed and his own night time routine.

“Moony, I -” Sirius spoke then, moving towards him, wringing his hands in front of him, anguish on his face. Anger, pain, flared up in Remus and he reached out, grabbed the bed curtains and pulled them sharply shut on the shocked and hurt look on Sirius’ face.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sirius tries to beg for forgiveness.

Two weeks.

Remus hadn’t spoken to Sirius for two weeks.

After that night, and after Sirius had blown up at Remus - there really wasn’t another word for it - Remus had withdrawn into himself and hadn’t come back out. He hovered at the edge of the group, answering questions asked of him and throwing half-hearted retorts to the playful insults lobbed his way, but there was a marked distance between him and the rest of the boys. 

They had all reacted to this new dynamic differently: James pretended that nothing was wrong and treated Remus exactly as he always had, trying to establish some normalcy. Peter treated Remus with kid-gloves, speaking softly and offering to fetch this and do that and bringing Remus treats and books and things he thought might cheer Remus up, until Sirius or James snapped at him to leave Remus alone. And Sirius…….

Sirius couldn’t stand it. He wanted Remus to scream at him, curse him, Merlin, even  _ hit  _ him. Anything but just….not be the Remus he knew. He had tried to talk to Remus, tried to explain, he had begged, pleaded with Remus, but…..nothing. 

It wasn’t that Remus was ignoring Sirius, not really. If Sirius asked a question of him, Remus would answer. If Sirius asked Remus to do something (“pass the peas, Moony?”) Remus would wordlessly do it. But nothing more. There was no friendly conversation, no jokes, no shared looks over the Great table as James rambled on about Quidditch. The closeness that Sirius thought the two had was gone. And Remus was careful to never be alone with Sirius - if James or Peter weren’t around, then Remus would disappear, only returning when he knew that one of the other Marauders would be there. Lily and Marlene and Mary, the Gryffindor girls who had helped to stand guard over Remus before, seemed to understand that something was going on. Whether James had said something to Lily or whether they just knew in that way that girls sometimes just knew things, they continued to watch over Remus, acting as a buffer between him and Sirius that Sirius couldn’t penetrate. 

It was as though Remus had cast a giant bubble around himself, and everyone was content to simply be on the outside, waiting for Remus to let them in. While Sirius wanted to grab his wand and pop the bubble and….

As the month progressed, James became more and more preoccupied by the rift in the Marauders. “Moony,” he started one morning, as the boys were dressing to head down to the Great Hall for breakfast. “Do you…..”

“Hmmm?” Remus responded, not looking at James.

“Should we…….at the end of the month, should we…...join you?”

Remus fastened the clasp on his robe, and turned. “Whatever you want, Prongs,” he said, and grabbed his bag as he walked out of the room.

James and Sirius looked at each other.

“Whatever you want, Prongs?” Sirius repeated dumbly.

“Not exactly a ringing endorsement, is it?” James ran his hands through his already disheveled hair. “Bloody hell, Padfoot, you need to fix this.”

“Me?” Sirius exclaimed, bouncing to his feet, anger flaring. “He’s the one -”

James fixed Sirius with a piercing look. “Sirius,” he said.

Sirius deflated. “Yeah, I know. I’ll try.”

“You’ll need to do more than try,” James warned, swinging his bag over his shoulder and walking out of the dormitory, leaving Sirius staring blankly at the door. 




It took all day for Sirius to catch Remus alone. When Remus didn’t appear in the Great Hall for lunch, Sirius went looking for him and found Remus hunched over a table at the back of the library. Flashing a charming smile at the scowling Madam Pince, he hurried over.

“Remus”.

Remus showed no reaction to Sirius’ greeting, or to Sirius sliding into the chair next to him.

“Oi, Remus,” Sirius repeated, a little more forcefully. Remus continued to read the large book he had in front of him.

“Moony,” Sirius said desperately, raising his voice and looking hard at Remus’ profile. Remus turned a page in the book, studiously ignoring Sirius. 

“Sssssssh”, Madam Pince hushed Sirius, but he paid no attention to her.

“So you’re actually going to ignore me, now?” Sirius peered angrily around the quill Remus held to look Remus in the eyes. He saw Remus clench his jaw but keep his eyes fixed on the book.

Sirius scoffed, disbelieving. “You can’t keep doing this! Moony, I’m sorry!, I said I was sorry!” This earned him another outraged “Ssshhhh!” from the librarian.

“No, you didn’t”.

Sirius frowned. The words were stiff and quiet, barely a whisper, but Sirius heard them nonetheless. He raised his eyebrows and stared at Remus in disbelief. “What are you talking about, yes I did! I - “

Whatever Sirius was about to say was interrupted by the imposing figure of Madam Pince looming over their table, glaring down at them. Both boys dropped their heads and fixed their eyes on the table until the librarian moved to a nearby shelf and pointedly began reshelving books, her eyes fixed on them.. 

“Yes, I did, Moony,” Sirius whispered out of the side of his mouth. I said - “

Both Remus and Sirius jumped as Madam Pince slammed a book back on the shelf with more force than was necessary, a loud “bang” echoing through the silent library. 

Frustrated, Sirius reached out and snatched the quill from Remus’ hand and grabbed a spare piece of parchment off the pile in front of him. Remus started to make a sound of protest, but caught Madam Pince’s eye and slumped back down, holding his head with one hand as he fixed his eyes back on his book.

Sirius scribbled on the piece of parchment for a few seconds, then pushed it in front of Remus. He watched as Remus’ eyes slid over to the parchment and read the few words that Sirius has scrawled on it:

_**I said I was sorry.** _

A frown crossed Remus’ face, and he turned, rummaged through his bag until he found a spare quill. With a soft huff, he pulled the parchment closer to himself and started writing. Sirius fought the urge to peer over Remus’ shoulder to see what he was writing, and a moment later, the parchment was shoved back towards him.

**No you didn’t.**

Sirius opened his mouth to defend himself, remembered where he was and snapped his jaw shut. Starting to feel pissed off, he shook his head in disbelief and picked up the quill, only to find Remus’ had taken the parchment back and was scratching words across its surface again. This time, Sirius did lean in to read the words as they appeared. 

**You said it was a joke. You said you didn’t really want Severus to get hurt. You said** - Here, Remus shook his head and started again. 

  
  


**You USED ME to teach Severus a lesson.**

**You didn’t care about ME**

**And you haven’t said you’re sorry.**

Dumbfounded, Sirius’ quickly replayed all the conversations in his head, all the times he had tried to explain, begged, pleaded with Remus. Yes, he’d tried to say it was a joke. Yes, he’d said that he hadn’t meant any  _ actual  _ harm to come to Snape, that it was Snape’s fault for following them out of the castle……Yes, he’d said some terrible things.   
  
But……

With a groan, Sirius let his head fall into his hands. He was such a tosser. He’d been so focused on himself, on trying to explain and justify his actions, on trying to get Remus to talk to him, to open up, to forgive him, that he never actually said the words “sorry” or “apologise”. Or expressed any kind of regret at the pain that he saw in his friend’s face. Pain that Sirius knew he had caused with this stupid prank.

Sirius felt ashamed. And angry at himself. Sirius KNEW how the wizarding world regarded werewolves. He knew how sensitive Remus was about his “furry little problem”, as James put it. How fearful Remus was to be found out, how tenuous he felt his position at Hogwarts was. How fearful he was of himself, of what he might do to his friends, to other students, during the full moon. Sirius KNEW all this, and yet the moment that Sirius wanted to cause someone the most harm, he had used the wolf without a second thought, without remembering that the wolf at the end of the tunnel was his friend. And not only that - and here, Sirius felt his face burn in mortification - but he assumed that he didn’t need to ask Remus - that Remus would be as agreeable to Sirius using his wolf form as he would be to Sirius using his quill or his notes from Transfiguration. Remus was right. Sirius had used him. And James had been right, that night. He hadn’t thought about what could have happened, to Snape or to Remus. 

Shame piled on shame. Sirius didn’t think he’d ever felt this ashamed of anything before in his life. The humiliation sapped at his energy, and he just wanted to sink into the table - the ground - the very core of the Earth - and not emerge until this was all made right. But, no magic in the world was going to do that. It was all up to Sirius. 

Scrubbing his hands over his face, Sirius sat up and pulled the parchment back towards his side of the table. Remus had gone back to pretending to read his book - but Sirius could see that Remus was watching him out of the corner of his eye as he picked up the quill again, dipped it in Remus’ inkwell, and started writing.

It was the hardest thing that Sirius had ever written. Every few seconds he would shake his head, and cross out the words he had just written. His hair became even more unruly as he ran his fingers through it over and over out of frustration. At one point, he balled up the entire thing with a low growl, grabbed another piece of parchment and started scribbling again. 

And then it was done. Before he could change his mind, Sirius threw the parchment at Remus. Not wanting to be there while he read it, Sirius abruptly stood up, knocking his chair backwards and stormed out of the library, a furious Madam Pince on his heels. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> INTERLUDE II - REMUS

Remus kept his eyes fixed to the book in front of him. He had no idea what he had been reading, or where he was up to on the page: his entire being was focused on the boy sitting next to him, muttering and swearing as he raced quill across parchment.

Minutes - hours - days passed, and then Remus flinched as a piece of parchment was flung in his face and Sirius jumped up and left the library.

Slowly, Remus straightened the parchment on the table in front of him, staring down at Sirius’ words, the beautiful calligraphy marred with lines and scratches and blotches of ink. 

He stared at the lines and the curves for a moment, then took a deep breath and started to read the words.

_Moony,_

Remus read the letter once, twice, three times, and then sat back in his chair.

He hadn’t been sure what to expect when he’d started reading. More excuses, more explanations, perhaps, although he had heard all of Sirius’ reasons so many times that he could recite them in this sleep: he did, really - his dreams were filled with Sirius begging for understanding, for forgiveness. 

But the letter contained none of that. Instead, Sirius wrote of shame, and sorrow and regret at pain caused. He apologised, fully, unreservedly, with no desire for forgiveness or absolution. He humbled himself before Remus, and swore that no matter what, Sirius would keep his secret. 

And he signed the letter,

_Yours, Sirius._

Remus scrubbed a hand across his face. He didn’t know what to do with Sirius’ words. 

Sirius was sorry. Really, truly sorry. Remus could feel how sorry Sirius was, could see it in the deep gouges of the nib of the quill in the parchment. He seemed to recognise that he had caused Remus pain, that he had done wrong, and he was sorry. 

The small voice inside Remus desperately cried _See! He’s your friend! He does care for you! You can trust him! Forgive him: forgive and forget and go back to being friends!_ And Remus was tempted. He had missed him. 

Mary and Marlene had, without Remus realising it, become friends - he had found their easy company soothing, and found himself actually looking forward to spending time with them. And he had come to realise what James saw in Lily: she was clever, and funny, and incredibly kind. But they weren’t James and Peter: he couldn’t relax around the girls like he could them. And they weren’t Sirius….

And with the full moon approaching, a small, selfish part of him also leapt with joy - he could forgive Sirius, the wolf could run freely with the dog and the Stag and the rat. Remus had to admit that he had dreaded the idea of transforming on his own again, and the awkwardness of sharing the intimate transformation while trying to keep his guard up wasn't appealing either. He wasn’t even sure that the wolf would understand such a human concept, that it would understand why it would need to be wary of its friends. 

Suddenly, Remus felt the urge to get up. To move, to get away. He didn’t know where to go - there were limited places you could go, unobserved, despite the size of Hogwarts and its grounds, but he couldn’t stay in the Library. Quickly he shoved parchment, quills and books into his bag - but kept a hold of Sirius’ letter - and fled the library, letting the need to get away lead him. 

\---

He ended up behind the Greenhouses. There were students in Greenhouse One - first years, by the size of them - but no one noticed when he slipped behind Greenhouse Three and sat down, breathing in the cool air tinged with Madam Sprouts favoured dragon fertiliser. The laughter and shrieks of the students faded from his ears as he spread Sirius’ letter out on his lap and read it again, and again.

Remus closed his eyes, and tipped his head back against the solid wall of the Greenhouse behind him, thinking hard. The urge to leave still beat a rhythm inside his chest, but as the days passed and life around him went on as normal, it had softened, slowed. No one was looking at him differently. No one was pointing and whispering. Snape was keeping his word and while if looks could kill Remus would have been dead many times over, he didn’t appear to have said anything. Remus was safe. His parents agreed: Dumbledore had informed them of the incident but assured them that everything was under control and they had no reason to worry or to remove Remus from Hogwarts, and they urged him to trust Dumbledore and that they would see him at Christmas. 

And, deep down, Remus really didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to go back into hiding, didn’t want to go back to being locked up and chained up at the full moon. He didn’t want to go back to being alone. He knew very well what his life would be like outside of Hogwarts, and was he wrong if he wanted to hold onto this charmed moment for a little longer?

But he hurt. Everytime he looked at Sirius, his heart hurt. All he could hear was Sirius yelling at him, he could feel the pain of the utter betrayal. He didn’t think he could ever trust anyone again. And Sirius….Remus didn’t know how he could get over this. 

Remus had a decision to make.

He could run. Leave. He didn’t want to, but he could. That would be the smart thing to do, the brave thing to do.

He could stay, enjoyed the pampered protection of Hogwarts for a few more years, but keep everyone at a distance. Not let anyone in that could hurt him, betray him. Privately, Remus thought that sounded even more lonely than leaving - like being trapped inside a bubble, able to see and hear everything around him but being unable to join in.

Or…….he could swallow his hurt. Tell Sirius he was forgiven and go back to being Moony, back to being the friend they knew and wanted. Bottle up the hurt and the pain and the betrayal and the loss of his trust and bury it deep, deep down so they would never know. Remus’ heart lurched. He didn’t know if he could do it. He didn’t know if he could look at Sirius, talk to Sirius, and pretend that nothing was wrong. Sirius had hurt him, more than Sirius knew, maybe more than Remus really knew. And Remus didn’t know if he could ever trust Sirius again, not as he did all those years ago when the young Remus, frightened but hopeful, confessed his deepest, darkest secret. He didn’t know if he would be able to trust anybody ever again, not fully. 

But the idea of not having Sirius - and James, and Peter, his mind supplied quickly - in his life, of having some shade of a friendship, of always keeping a distance made tears prickle in Remus’ eyes. He was so tired. And he missed them. And his words…..Remus opened his eyes and read the letter one more time. 

_Yours, Sirius._

Remus was used to keeping secrets. What was one more?

And Remus knew then what he had to do.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which forgiveness is given

Now it was Sirius’ turn to avoid Remus. The memory of the words he had written still burned in his mind, and he needed some distance, some space to process that he had actually committed them to paper and then Remus had actually read them. They had no classes together that afternoon, and at dinner Sirius skipped going to the Great Hall, choosing instead to duck into the Kitchen and beg the house elves for a plate. He ate in the Kitchen, and then walked around the grounds until he saw James and Peter start making their way towards the Quidditch pitch for Gryffindor’s practice. 

That was where Remus found him. He was sitting in the stadium with Peter, watching as James yelled at the team and tore at his hair in frustration from the railing of the stands. He watched as Remus made his way up towards him, and turned to Peter. “Go be somewhere else.”

Peter squeaked in dismay. “But, Padfoot - “

“GO!” Sirius snarled, and Peter scurried down the stands to where James stood, looking back over his shoulder at Sirius as he went. Sirius felt bad for yelling at Peter, but in the grand scheme of “bad things” he had done recently, this barely registered. Besides, he really didn’t want to have whatever conversation he and Remus were about to have in front of an audience.

He pretended to be watching James wave his arms around as he tried to explain something to the 4th year girl that was playing Seeker, but he was acutely aware of Remus sitting down beside him.

“I thought Prongs was banned from Quidditch”, Lupin said mildly.

“He is,” Sirius, trying to match Remus’ tone. . “But he said he couldn’t not help the team train the new Chaser, and I think McGonnogall probably thought that watching the team train without him would be even more of a punishment than just not playing.”

Remus nodded, seeming to understand perfectly, and together they watched the team pass the Quaffle back and forth.

“Did you mean it?”

Sirius felt himself freeze at the soft words. He cut his eyes to the side and saw Remus staring at staring hard straight ahead, resolutely not looking at Sirius. 

Quickly, Sirius turned his gaze back to the Quidditch pitch and swallowed. 

“Did I mean what?” he said gruffly, hoping against hope that Remus wasn’t talking about what he knew Remus was talking about.

“What you wrote. Did you mean it?” A thread of anxiety had made its way into Remus’ voice, and Sirius once again glanced at his friend and noticed that Remus was clutching a piece of parchment in his hand. Parchment that had lines of his own black calligraphy on it. 

Sirius snorted, intending to make a joke, but as he turned to look at Remus, he saw the look on Remus’ face, the closed off, blank expression that Remus wore these days, that Sirius remembered from Remus’ first year before he and James had claimed the quiet boy as their friend, and the joke died on his tongue. He swallowed. “Yes. I meant it. I should have said it before, I……..” His nerve failing him, Sirius looked up at the sky, at the stands above them, at the Quidditch pitch, anywhere except at Remus.

He saw Remus nod, and look down at the parchment in his hands. 

Sirius closed his eyes and - with a stern _"you’re a Gryffindor, Black, get it together"_ \- blurted out, “I’m sorry Moony. I am so sorry. I was a git. Biggest git in the world. You trusted me with this big part of who you are and I betrayed that trust. You have every right to be pissed at me and I honestly don’t deserve your forgiveness. Or your friendship. But I promise you, no matter what, I would die before I let anyone hurt you. And I promise that I will never, ever, hurt you again.”

He stared at Remus, who sat silently, eyes still on the Quidditch pitch. He waited to see if Remus would say something. As the seconds passed, the silence felt heavier and heavier until Sirius, worried, leaned forward so that Remus would see his face. 

“You are my family, Moony. You, and Prongs and - “ he chuckled disbelievingly “even ruddy Wormtail, you are my family now. I’ve - “ Sirius felt his throat tighten and swallowed, hard “- I’ve already lost one brother, I don’t know that I can stand to lose another.”

A shadow passed over Remus’ face, and after a moment, he turned to look at Sirius. “Brother,” he said in an unreadable tone.

Sirius exhaled slowly. “I - “ he said awkwardly, casting his gaze about, trying to find the words, the right words, any words to make Remus stop looking at him like that. 

“Thank you.”

Sirius’s eyes snapped back to Remus’. The boy - no, young man - sitting next to him was staring at him. There was still distance in his eyes - Sirius felt a pang in his heart at this - but there was a small smile on his face. “For the apology,” he clarified. “I know how hard that was for the great and wonderful Sirius Black to lower himself to do something so mundane as to….”

“Shut up, you wanker,” Sirius let out a relieved bark of laughter, and reached to pull Remus into a tight, one armed hug. Remus flinched for a second, and then Sirius felt him relax for a second before digging his fingers into Sirius’ side. With an “Oi, gerroff!” Sirius released Remus and pushed him away, punching him not-so lightly on the arm as Remus chuckled. 

As the two of them tussled, neither saw James look back over his shoulder at them and smile, relieved to see that things were back to normal. 

For now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all folks! Thank you to everyone who read this and those amazing people who left kudos: I hope you enjoyed the dive into Sirius' and Remus' minds before and after the prank. Remember to tip your waiter, and if you have any comments or through, please let me know! x


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